I’m a news junkie. I can’t help it, and I will spend hours a day browsing through the various news Web sites. Every once in awhile, it pays off with a news story that is so funny, it has to be real.
Below is a link to one of those stories. It appears that a 15-year-old
I know. That’s funny as hell. What makes the story a little sadder is that her parents are now suing their local government. Sadder still is the fact that they will probably win some money, because they sort of have a case, because two civic employees did leave the manhole unattended while they went to retrieve orange cones to mark the hole.
Damnit. Now I’m bummed. What had been a perfectly good story about a girl who's head was firmly up her ass falling in a hole in the ground has turned dark and ominous.
This family will get a nice payday, because two workers didn’t anticipate a 30-second window in which some girl would be walking down the sidewalk not paying attention to anything but her cell, and fall in a five-foot hole in the ground.
So, in the spirit of the American legal system, I have devised a few other get-rich-quick schemes almost as clever as this family’s:
-Walk over to brick wall. Smash head against brick wall. Sue owner of building for not posting signs warning that you may get hurt if you do, in fact, smash your head against that brick wall.
-Ride bike directly into tree. Sue the smug bastard who planted that tree without thinking you might one day hit that particular tree.
-Stare into the sun for hours. Sue the Surgeon General for not skywriting a warning that this may cause blindness.
-Play the lottery, and plan as if you are beyond certain you are going to win. When you lose, sue your state’s lottery for getting your God damn hopes up.
-In about a year, drive in your car around
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